Area Man’s Son Destroys Family Deli in 6 Months. Says He Has it Down to a Science.
John inherited the 75 year old family business after his father passed away 6 months ago. “The best mistake my father ever did was over dose on his diabetics medication. I thought it would have been choking on the corned beef, but he decided that would be too ironic of a death apparently”, says John.
“It all started with the Corned Beef. My father had the best Corned Beef in town. But that’s all the customers bought. It’s bothered for me for the past 15 years. When you go to the mini mart, do you just buy milk and leave? No, you buy the milk, cheese & even the overpriced Beef Jerky at the front counter. We had nothing besides meat. We needed to change from being great at one thing, to good at nothing and it needed to happen quick.”, says John Murphy of Murphy’s Deli.
John always thought that the family business could be bigger then just a local neighborhood staple. “Think about it for a second. People just don’t buy deli meat and eat it straight. They need to buy bread, tomatoes, mayonaise, mustard, sauerkraut and a bunch of other condiments. Why not just offer it all in one package? This is how we entered the pre-made sandwich business. Why sell one thing when we can sell 10 things all in one package for $9.99. We took out all the hassle of making a fresh corned beef sandwich. Everyone knows a sandwich tastes better when someone else makes it.”
You can no longer buy the meat straight from the deli. You either bought the sandwich or nothing at all. The staff made one type of sandwich with all the condiments pre-loaded on it. If they didn’t sell, he sold the same sandwiches the next day. “Made Fresh, Yesterday” was their new motto.
“We went from a bottom-line company to a top-line company in a matter of 3 months. Not entirely sure what that means, but no one wants to be on the bottom.”
6 months later the deli had to shut down because of a lack of customers. Customers revolted and called the son an ignorant fool.
“Listen. I know you’re looking for a great quote from a failed inherited business owner. You’re not going to find one here. I still think pre-made sandwiches are the future. Steve Jobs got fired from the company he created. Same situation here. You will not hear the end of me. Trust me.”
<My first attempt at a satire article. Let me know what you think!>